The Story of Monty Python and the Holy Grail

King Arthur's brave knights wandered through England's fields
To live out adventurous tales
When Jehovah appeared and He gave them a Quest
He told them to go seek the Grail, oh, the Grail.
He told them to go seek the Grail

Now, the first place they found was a castle so grand
But entry they didn't allow
And these Frenchmen did fart at them, taunting them all
And eventually tossed them a cow, oh, a cow
And eventually tossed them a cow

King Arthur and Bedevere hatched up a plan
So cunning they chortled with glee
But the giant wood rabbit had one tiny flaw
They forgot to hide inside you see, yes, you see
They forgot to hide inside you see

Sir Robin encountered a man with three heads
And each one had something to say
As they argued about who would slay the brave knight
Brave Sir Robin he did run away, oh, away
Brave Sir Robin he did run away

[Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat
Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin...
(Oh, sorry. Um, where was I? Oh yeah.)]

Sir Galahad next came upon Castle Anthrax
With virgins of beauty and youth
Though they offered him sex Lancelot dragged him clear
That's why Galahad called him a pouf, yes, a pouf
That's why Galahad called him a pouf

Sir Lance went to rescue a maiden so fair
And maybe just ask for her hand
As it turned out the bride had not much else to offer
Except for her huge tracts of land, oh, of land
Except for her huge tracts of land

King Arthur encountered the Knights who said Ni
But couldn't abide the word 'it'
And although they looked fierce they were really quite sad
And basically just full of sh...

(Okay, I'll move on.)

Then Tim the Enchanter did warn them of beasts
That could not be felled by mere blades
They defeated the bunny with sharp pointy teeth
By resorting to prayer and grenades, yes, grenades
By resorting to prayer and grenades

Then, the Bridge of Death beckoned with one final test
That crossed o'er a hideous height
They outwitted the bridgeman who had no idea
Of the speed of a swallow in flight, oh, in flight
Of the speed of a swallow in flight

At long last they'd reached it - the dread Castle Aaaagh
To meet the Frenchmen there again
And as Arthur amassed for a last desperate fight
He got nicked and the story did end, yes, did end
He got nicked and the story did end!

Notes: These lyrics were written by Terence Chua. I wanted to write a traditional-looking and -sounding ballad and came up with The Story of Dame Lady Ragnell. Ayway, I was semi-active on rec.music.filk, the filk newsgroup, at the time, and I posted the lyrics to this song. Within two hours, Terence Chua had filked the song. Now, this is an original tune, so he couldn't know what it sounded like. But his scansion was perfect, and I love the song. To see Terence's filk, check out The Story of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I ended up liking the filk better than I liked my original song, and I almost never perform the original.

Home	Email Gwen